it helps if you just lift your gaze a little bit
maybe this is all just an exercise in patience
I told you it helps if you just lift your gaze a little bit


this is all in your mind, this isn't a VHS you rented from the movie store when you were a kid, there is no rewinding this, there is only unbinding this, there is no unfinding this, there is only redefining this thing that now defines you, if you'd just adjust your gaze you could be in a fine mood, you're a coward, you're the worst kind of coward, the lamp that's afraid of the dark, you could go in there and fix this, you could fix everything you could make this better for everyone so get up and stop sleeping on the floor, stop ignoring the parts of yourself that used to exist and still would if you'd let them, you don't know shit about Bethlehem, sure one of your brothers is dead but there are a hundred that still need you, how you gonna act invincible and be surprised when you bleed dude, there are more life giving things than girls wearing dresses that are a little but see through, how did you get so hesitant, who says you get to decide who is and is not heavensent, so what if the whole world slows down when you see her, who cares if she's all you can think about, who cares if your insides hurt in the most hollow way literally all day every day, don't waste your fckin life don't waste your fckin life don't waste your fckin LIFE!!!! even if it feels like a waste to go on alone it can't be, Carry what you crossed your heart with when you hoped to die.


dawdling audibly through poverty, pondering these time travel mirrors and I laugh at myself haughtily, it won't be this way forever, I would like the tree of sadness that comes pre potted please, i would like to amount to nothing more than watching the first 6 episodes of nichijou, while I eat an equal number of beefy frity burritos tho, seed and sow, reap and grow, beads of hope, hanging in necklaces more miles long than my sister is aged old, or stories on stages told by a boy who used to want to be an actor and could've been really good at it, why didn't that work out why does he now sleep on a couch with fire sauce stains on it, why does it look like he's floating, he says it feels like he is too, why does he hate the taste of most beverages you have to brew, hacked in two by the swords crossing Leonardo's shell, couldn't care less about any circle if Dante's hell, he never read it and he doesn't believe that's what we're meant for, tight feeling in his stomach at dinner because he spent more than he told himself he was allowed to, noticing wisdom rarely falls out the mouths of loud dudes, he doesn't even rhyme he doesn't even care to make his self or it's expression presentable, he made a full court basketball shot twice on separate occasions and that's what makes him happiest, calls himself joyboy without even getting the reference yet, hopes every person that loves each other romantically kisses and has hecka sex, it's like we're on the same page somewhere there's a still a disconnect, four times four times infinity is how long his stamina lasts, turns all this pain into fervor and trains a blastoise that he never used to battle anyone, frequently wishes he owned a mini gun but only to shoot out the street lights outside places he lives so he can see the real stars, he doesn't care if they're dead yet, he doesn't care if he's dead yet, he doesn't care about anything outside of making people feel okay and sitting on a porch in a rocking chair, eating vegetables he doesn't even like as a way to say "I love you, I love you, I will always listen to you, I will quietly compress myself into a diamond that I realize has no actual worth outside of societal constructs, so what do you think is most beautiful I would promise to transfigure myself into it but I don't have to because that's what I've always been. I will not alter myself on any altar for anyone, I am who I am when I am who I am when I am me, I am the blue spirit if he still wore white socks, I am the determination that almost are the night lock, I am the keeper of the underlying alwayses, I am the back strong enough to bear the weight of all gazes that haven't been tilted upwards yet like I asked, hyphen dash hi finn hyper blast if i were fast enough this would be that time on powerpuff girls where they saw how scary the future was and had to figure out how to get back to the past, i can ride this river in real time, i can ride this river at the speed of life, i can trust the current and how easily it's manipulated by the push and pull of my own arms, i can trust that i am too small for this to be the end of anything, i just need a moment to sit still before my eyelids turn orange & i can finally help.

I was shaken like when Amelie was on the moped, now im shaken like when Amelie was on he train,

I am trust shaped like a human with some skin holding it together, trying to find out how I spoke before I learned letters, trying to figure out how to speak without words but probably distancing myself from that by using all these words, give me all the hurts you have and I will hold them, I am armament embodied, externalizing my whole self to be more one with whatever is near me, living so that I never have to say out loud again that you don't have to fear me